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每个人都是这么长大的,但这不值得开心
发布时间:2021-07-14     作者:   来源:壹心理   分享到:

       huiguwomendechengzhangguocheng,tongnianbingbuzongshihuanshengxiaoyuhewuyouwulv。fumuzaichengweiwomenbifenggangdetongshi,youdeshihou,haihuijiwomendailaiyixieshanghai。

       kenengshiguonianshibiaodidasuiniyeyezuixinaidehuapen,dannifumuyiweishinidasuide;kenengshiniyanglejiniandexiaogou,beifumuyiganraoxuexizhiyousongzou......neixienizaixiangzhe“zheibugongping”deshike,doushiduinizijiheduinifumudeyicishilian。

       “zheibushiwodecuo。zheibugongping!”zuoweihaizideshihou,nishuoguoleisidehuama?zuoweifumu,yougairuheyingduizheizhongqingkuangni?

       haizimende“duiyugongpingdeganzhi”bichengrengengminrui,yinweitamendeshijieguanrengranchuyuyizhongweiwanquanxingchengdebuxianshizhuangtai。danghaiziyizhibaoyouzheizhongbugongzhenggan,bingzhangqikaishijuedezijishishouhaizheshi,jiuyouyidingweixianle。zheishi,tamenkenenghuikaishiyongzheizhongshouhaizhedezitailaicaozongbieren,laidedaotaxiangyaodedongxi。  

       jintiandewenzhangweidajiafenxiangruheyingduihaizide“shouhaizhezitai”。

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       01    受害者的姿态会影响看世界的方式

       dangnidehaizijuedezijishishouhaizheshi,tajiuhuikaishibiaoxiandexianggeshouhaizhe。tahuixiang:“yinweishijiebugongpingdeshihou,suoyizheixiepushiguizejiubushiyongyuwo。”

       zhihouhuifashengshenmeni?nihuikandaonidehaizizaichufangdeqiangshangdaleyigedong,ranhoubazerenguijiudaodidishenshang,yinweitadidirangtashengqile。huozhe,nihuitingdaonidehaizishuo:“womeiqianmaizheizhongdongxi,suoyiwotouleta。”

       zheizhongbugongping——shouhaizhezitai——jinxingcaokongdexunhuantongchangshiyuyigerendejiating。fumuyezaiqizhongbuzhibujuezhongfahuilezuoyong。erqie,zheizhongxingweihuikuosandaohaizishenghuodeqitafangmian。

       ruguoni10suidehaizirenweinibugongping,neiyihouwangwanghuifazhancheng,“wodelaoshibugongping,xuexiaobugongping,jiaolianyebugongping”。ruguobujiayikongzhi,zheizhongxintaihuichixudaoqingshaonianshiqi,zuizhongjinruhaizidechengnianshenghuo,bingzhuanbianchengyizhongzhangqidexinlizhuangtai。

       nihuitingdaonidehaizishuo:“wodelaobanbugongping”huo“zheishiwoairendecuo”。dangwomenranghaizikaishiganzhishifougongpingshi,tamendeganzhinenglihuibiandegengjiaminrui。womenbahaizijiaoyuchengweileshouhaizhe,chengweilehuibaoyuandechengnianren。 

       danwentishi,youshiqueshicunzaibugongpingdeqingkuang。juyigewozijishenghuozhongdelizi。woerzicongchuzhongshengdaogaozhonghou,canjialeyigeqiudui。danwomenbuzhidao,zheizhiqiuduideruhuifangshishifeichangyoubaoliqieyouqinlvexingde。wodeerzifeichangjusangdihuidaojia,yinweitabeiyidaqunnianzhangdehaiziqifule,tajuedehenbugongping。

       wohezhangfuzhanmusizaijinghuangshicuodetongshi,zhidaowomenxuyaofuyutayidingdeliliang。womenrenwei,womendeerziyinweishoudaoqitahaizideshanghaiergandaonanguo,shihenbumingzhide。womenyuxuexiaojinxinglejiaoliu,danwomenyezhichihaizizijijiejuewenti。suiranzheirangwomenhenxintong,danwomenzhidao,womenbixuzunzhongtadejueding,rangtajinkenengduodichulizheijianshi。zuihou,tazijidechulejielun:tabushishouhaizhe。zhihou,tazouchuletongku,bingduguonanguan,taweizijichulidefangshigandaozihao。 

       worenweifeichangzhongyaodeshi,niyaogaosunidehaiziyidian:nihuizhichitazhaodaojiejuewentidefangfa,erqieshouhaizhedeshenfenbingbunengdingyitazuoweiyigerendebenzhiruhe。ruguohaizimenyizhibaochishouhaizhedezitai,zheibingbunengbangzhutamenduguonanguan。

       zheizhongguandianjiangmanmanchengweitamenkandaizheigeshijiedefangshi:tamenhuijiangzheigeshijieshiweiyigebugongpinghebugongpingdedifang。zaiwo30niandezhiliaoshishengyazhong,wokandao,zheizhongxiaojidexintaihuiyingxianghaizimenderenjiguanxi,bingzuizhongyingxiangtamenzaishenghuozhongchenggongdekenengxing。 

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       02如何应对孩子的“受害者姿态”

       neime,ruguonirenweinidehaiziyijingchuyu“shouhaizhezitai”zhong,niyinggaizenmezuo? 

       明确概念

       mingquebugongzhenghebugongpingdaodishishenme。womenchangchangduierzishuo:“nimeicuo,youshihoushenghuoshibugongpingde。dannihaishiyaozuogongke。”zaishuozheixiehuashi,niyinggaidaizheguanhuaizhixin。ruguonideyuqifengcihuokebo,haizimenhuizhuyidaode。 

       zaijieshiwomenshenghuozhongyouxieshiqingshibugongpingdeshihou,jideduinidehaizibiaoxianchuzhenchengdetongqingzhixin。jiaoyuhaizi,zuizhongyaodeyidianshiruheyingduizheizhongbugongpingdeqingkuang,yijiruhechaoyuezheizhongbugongpingdeqingkuang。 

       解决问题

       wenwennidehaizi,tadasuanruhechulitasuokandaodebugongzhengxianxiang。bifangshuo,ruguonidehaizizaiyigetiyushetuan,danganjuezijimeiyoudedaozugoudezhongshi。dajiadouxiangchengweimingxingyundongyuan,danshiyeyouyixierenzaiwanchenglesuoyouxunlianzhihou,rengranzuozaibandengshang。fumuxuyaobangzhuhaizilijierenshengdezheiyike,gulitajixunuli,gaosutayixienishenshangfashengguodelizi。“zheizhishishenghuodeyibufen,ruhechulicaishizuizhongyaode。”

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       不要让内疚支配你

        dangniganjuedaonidehaizishoudaolebugongpingdeduidai,nikenenghuitongguozongrongtalaijinxingmibu。niduitajinxingwuzhibuchang,birumaiyifu、dianzichanpinhejitaqian。huitoukankannidehaizibazijikanzuoshouhaizheshicongnalikaishide。niyaomingbai,congzhangyuanlaikan,guangshimibuzhihuirangshiqingbiandegengzao。yinweinidehaizihuirenwei,dangtarenweishiqingbugongpingshi,jiuhuiyourenqumibuta。 

       不要助长或无视不公正事件

       zuoweijiazhang,nikenenghuiranghaiziganshoudaozijishishouhaizhehuojuedebugongzheng。ruguolaoshizainihaizideyanzhongshibugongpingde,erniyoushuo,“neigelaoshizongshiduinibuhao,wojuedetabuxihuanni”,neimezheiduiqingkuangmeiyourenhebangzhu。yinweizheizhihuirangnidehaizirenweizijishishouhaizhe。 

       dangwomengandaobugongpingshi,renherendoubuhuiyinweibierendequanzuerwangjizheizhongganjue。zheishiyigeqingxuwenti,erbushiyigeduihuocuodewenti。ruguonidehaizijuedemouxieshiqingbugongping,jishibierengaosutazheishigongpingde,yebuhuigaibiantazhenzhengdeganshou。suoyibuyaohenidehaizizhenglunzheigewenti。yaotounaoqingchu,haiyaoyoutonglixin。 

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        你可以随时改变你的回答

        jishinizhangqiyilaiyizhizhichinidehaiziduishijiebugongdekanfa,yezhichitarenweizijishishouhaizhedexiangfa,danzuoweifumu,nizongshikeyigaibiande。gaibianyongyuanyebuhuitaiwan。“wobuhuizaiguanshujihaiziduibugongpingdetaidule。wodasuancongxianzaikaishi,bangtagaijintachulishiqingdefangfa。”  

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【womenzunzhongyuanchuang,yezhuzhongfenxiang。banquanyuanzuozhesuoyou,ruyouqinfannindequanyiqingjishilianxi,womenjiangdiyishijianshanchu。fenxiangneirongbudaibiaobenwangguandian,jingongcankao。】

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